Become the Gold Digger You Wish to See in the World
Romance is dead. The dating pool is toxic, the apps are a wasteland, and the discourse about all three is somehow worse than any of it. Whatever! I don't care anymore.
From brokeys to billionaires, I've dated across the full economic spectrum.
I've said "wow, babe" with an inhuman level of enthusiasm over mediocre accomplishments. I've listened to business ideas that were neither businesses nor ideas.
I've also lived, and voluntarily left, the life some of you bitches are holding seances to summon.
Men want an equal partner who pays half, does everything, needs nothing, stays beautiful, and never develops the vulgar habit of expecting anything in return.
The only variable is whether you walk away with real estate or a prescription for Lexapro.
Never again. It's time to put yourself first. It's time for self-care.
And yes, sweetie, self-care can absolutely include power of attorney.
Prioritize Your Peace
You cannot show up as your best self while splitting a check.
When the bill arrives, go deaf, blind, and dumb. Sit in the discomfort. Stay strong.
Do not reach for your purse. Do not perform the little fake search. Do not say, "Should we?"
We should absolutely not!
Communicate Your Needs
A healthy relationship depends on honesty, so be honest. Use "I" statements:
- "I feel unsafe when I am not on the deed."
- "I feel unseen when your life insurance policy still lists your sister."
- "I feel unsupported when your accountant keeps asking who I am and how I got into his office."
Men cannot read minds. Be specific.
Do not say, "I need more commitment." Say, "I need you to love me in a language I understand: beneficiary designations."
Make Time for Yourself
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Fill yours with pursuits whose only purpose is to generate invoices.
Consulting. Art advisory. Brand strategy. A non-profit foundation with vague goals and unusually high administrative fees.
You do not need to master these things. Mastery is not the point. The point is remaining open, curious, and extremely expensive.
Your interests may change. That is growth. Your monthly allowance should not. That is a boundary.
Protect Your Energy
Not everyone deserves access to you. Access is earned through consistency, generosity, wire transfers, and gifts that can be independently appraised.
Stop overextending yourself for men who have done nothing to demonstrate emotional availability, financial solvency, or a willingness to add your name to the title.
Wellness culture loves telling women to "hold space." Absolutely. Hold space on his AmEx until the statement balance looks like an international phone number.
Protecting your energy may mean silencing notifications. It may mean declining invitations. It may mean placing several assets into a shell company before his family becomes suspicious.
Release What No Longer Serves You
Sometimes growth means letting go. Let go of resentment. Let go of guilt. Let go of the belief that his adult children need to be informed before major financial decisions.
You will hear objections:
"That is his kidney."
"That is a legally binding document."
"She has quite obviously forged my signature."
These are fear-based statements.
Know When to Walk Away
Leaving is not failure. Sometimes it is the bravest thing a woman can do...after the wire transfer clears.
Do not remain somewhere you are merely tolerated. With love in your heart and deep gratitude for the lessons, go where you are celebrated, protected, and listed as the sole beneficiary of an irrevocable trust.
You are not cold. You are healed.
You are not materialistic. You are finally choosing yourself.
Love is for poor people.
